Erin L. Lewis

12 Weeks Tomorrow

2012-02-11T07:13:00.001-08:00

The little wee one continues to gain weight at a healthy weight. Thank you Jesus! Last night she slept seven hours... in a row! I can't say she's ever done that before so it might just be a fluke. Grandma and Grandpa are here so maybe they tired her out! (Pete just informed me that she was awake after 5 hours but went back to sleep on her own - works for me!)

She continues to melt our hearts with her smiles and I'm still in awe some days when I realize she is ours!

We just returned this week from a two week trip to BC. Can I just say that Maren is the most amazing traveler!? Over the course of the two weeks she & I had a plane trip, we slept in 7 different places, and we did more than 17 hours of driving (including ferry rides). She slept in the car, ate in many different places, and got loved on by many different baby-lovers... and we didn't get any noise complaints in any of the hotels we stayed at! She rocks!

My first airplane ride... no problem.

My first ferry ride... no problem.

Waking up in my queen size hotel room... ahhh......

My happy self.

Car rides through the majestic Rocky Mountains... no problem.

The view I didn't see 'cuz I was sleeping. Mommy was happy about that.

Tomorrow my baby is 12 weeks old. Where does time go!

*Please excuse the quality of my cell phone pictures...time to upgrade? Na, I'll just use a real camera next time.

Two Months Already!

2012-01-21T11:13:00.000-08:00

My baby girl was two months old yesterday! To celebrate she got her vaccination shots and then proceeded to take two decent naps during the day! Thank you Maren! You are a rock star! Hopefully this is a turning point in the sleep schedule. My pessimism doesn't allow me to hold my breath :)

One Month (a month ago)!

2012-01-20T19:25:00.000-08:00

December 20, Maren was one month old. As I was much more preoccupied than I am now I didn't have time to blog a few pictures... so I've decided to put some up now... Enjoy!

And for this expression she gets the nickname Drunk Monkey... Monks for short.

Wrapped in her beautiful quilt from "Auntie" Heather!

And this one was courtesy of a visit from "Auntie" Shari... thanks Shari!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T01:05:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from the Reesor/Lewis/Dueck clan!

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
(Isaiah 9:6 NIV)

I know that Christmas comes at the same time every year but I'm sure that December 25th came earlier this year. Perhaps I missed a couple days. There is a good chance that on some of those days I may have been present in body but not in brain! Anyway, whatever the case, December 25th is here and I'm excited to celebrate the birth of Jesus with family and friends.

This year as I celebrate Jesus and His birth and life I'm overwhelmed by His grace. Maybe it's because as a new parent I recognize even more profoundly my humanity and my propensity for failure and selfishness, especially when I try to do things in my own strength and 'wisdom'. Maybe it's just something I'm always especially grateful for. Whatever the case, may God's love and grace be very real to you this season. May His peace be more than you can understand. May His joy be real and untainted. May the hope of the eternity turn the troubles of today into mere inconveniences.

Merry Christmas!

Maren got to open one of her presents on Christmas Eve. Thanks for the super sweet pillow Auntie Alison!

One Month Old

2011-12-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Maren is a month old today. Where does time go?! When I went to the public health office today we weighed her and she is finally back to her birth weight and more, 7lb 10oz to be exact. It's taken her a little longer than most but she finally made it. Slow weight gain is kinda nerve wracking for a new mom, I'm not gonna lie!

Now that I'm not as worried about her weight it's much more entertaining to observe her strange expressions and funny gestures. I guess this is how she'll express herself until she can do funny voices like her mom and funny dances like her dad.

Here are some pictures of my beautiful one month old!

Maren

2011-11-27T20:09:00.001-08:00

These are my latest favorite pictures...

"O mom, really? must we?" :)

I just love her little hands. They are so funny!

Maren Kathryn

2011-11-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

Maren Kathryn was born on my birthday, November 20 at 1.14am. She weighed in at 7lb 4oz and was 20 inches long. She gave us a little scare when soon after we arrived at the hospital, her heart rate dropped to 60 and wasn't showing signs of recovery. The doctor and nurses were wonderful and she arrived about 20 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. God is good.

My daughter is so beautiful. When I look at her I can hardly believe she's mine. I thank God for her over and over. In the same moment I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of another life. How can one person bring me so much joy and so much doubt at the same time? It's a crazy feeling, one I will never begin to understand.

As I sit here with tears in my eyes (probably over tired tears), I praise God and plead with Him in the same breath... I praise Him for the miracle of this wonderful life and I plead with Him for the wisdom and grace to love, care for, and protect it.

40 weeks + a day

2011-11-19T08:19:00.001-08:00

I am 40 weeks and a day today. I am excited to find out if Baby Lewis is a boy or a girl, but thankfully I'm not at the "get it out stage" just yet.

When I went to the doctor on Thursday she told me, with much surprise in her voice, that I was 3-4 cm dilated and she thought we would meet the baby within the week. "Sounds good to me," was my reply. Now we will see if she was right! Personally, I think the baby is holding out for the warmer temperatures forecast for the beginning of next week. Smart baby!

36 weeks

2011-10-26T19:11:00.000-07:00

This past Friday I was 36 weeks pregnant! (I'm a little slow on the blogging considering 37 weeks is just around the corner!)

This coming Friday, not only will I be 37 weeks pregnant, I will be at work for the last day for a year! Not that I won't be working this next year, I just won't be getting paid :)

I'm very excited about being done work. I feel like I haven't had time to prepare for Baby Lewis so the fact that I am already almost 37 weeks pregnant is shocking to me. The next few weeks will give me time to do some of that prep. I don't feel like I will ever really be prepared but at least I'll have a couple things organized :)

33 weeks

2011-10-02T16:59:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I was 33 weeks. My belly definitely feels like it is getting better. The baby is still kicking like mad and keeping me running to the bathroom constantly. I've been feeling a lot of braxton hicks... at least I'm assuming that's what they are. It's hard to believe that there are less than 7 weeks 'til baby's due date! Yowsers!

We started our prenatal class 3 weeks ago and it has been cool to meet others due around the same time as us (and compare belly sizes!)... and of course to learn a little bit about what we might experience in 7ish weeks from now!

worrying...

2011-09-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not supposed to worry but I can't help it... I think I actually woke up worrying this morning... and then I was reading my devotion... sigh, honestly, I still spent some of the day worrying but my mind kept coming back to the devotion.

I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do. Don't be distracted by future concerns. Leave them to Me! Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know how to live within the confines of today. Much of their energy for abundant living spills over the time line into tomorrow's worries or past regrets. Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping through the day, not for living it to the full. I am training you to keep your focus on My Presence in the present. This is how to receive abundant Life, which flows freely from My throne of grace. - Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

O Lord, help me to live each day abundantly.

Matthew 6:34 was one of the verses this morning...

So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.

Whatever tomorrow holds I'm gonna trust that You will provide enough grace for the day. I know you can. You've always provided in the past. You will always provide in the future.

30 weeks

2011-09-10T18:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I reached the 30-weeks mark.

That means as of today there are only 69 more days, give or take 14 days :) :s

I see the baby doctor for the first time next Thursday (up until now I've still been seeing my GP).

This past Thursday I had to do the 3 hour glucose tolerance blood test. For those of you who don't know what that means let me tell you. You go to the lab after having fasted for at least 10 hours. They take your blood. Then you drink a bottle of straight sugar (tasted just like the old McDonald's juice! Seriously, exactly the same!) After an hour, they take your blood again. After ANOTHER hour, they take your blood again. Then you go home and eat because you're incredibly hungry!

So I'll probably find out next Thursday if I have to quit eating ice cream and cookies. If I do, it will be a sad day. I really like sugar.

Today a lady I see regularly at work came up to me and said, "Don't take this the wrong way (oh boy, what the heck is she going to ask me?!) but are you pregnant?" Yes, yes I am, 30 weeks pregnant actually!

And regarding the picture, I really am happy. It was bedtime. Bedtime is sacred these days :)

Now I'm going to go eat some ice cream cake. Like I said, I like sugar.

Week 26

2011-09-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

It has be pointed out to me that it's been a while since I've updated my blog... and then I looked... Wow! Yes, yes it has...

Week 26 was three weeks ago (Friday, August 12th to be exact) but I'm a little behind... well, maybe a little bigger behind than I used to be... if you know what I mean. :)

Not much is new and exciting (besides the baby growing inside of me of course!) I work and I sleep. I am constantly challenged to remember to be thankful for all the little things and all of the big things and all of the things I don't really understand right now. Some days I do really well. Some days I don't. What can I say.

Week 20

2011-07-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I was 20 weeks pregnant. That means time-wise, we're half way there! Wowsers! If only I was already half way there physically too!

So around the time that most people are just considering telling their employers that they are pregnant, I started a new job. That's right, on Monday I went back to work. So at this point, I'm doing my best to not look pregnant. Thankfully my bump seems to be an overall thickening rather than a bump that looks like a basketball under my shirt. So far hitting up Value Village and Salvation Army for dress clothes a couple sizes bigger than I wore this winter has worked to keep my baby belly under wraps and my pocket book relatively intact.

Thank you to all who donate nice dress clothes to charity! I will return the favour at some point in the future!

On another baby note, my mom and dad were kind enough to come this weekend and help us (ahem, Pete) paint our pepto bismal pink spare room a colour that is not quite as putrid, I mean pretty... (pretty retina burning that is!)

It looks much better now... I'll let you make your own judgement :)

BEFORE

AFTER

pregnancy - at 17 weeks

2011-06-11T10:45:00.001-07:00

so by now i think most people know that i am pregnant (or should i say we are pregnant... not sure what is the correct pronoun... neither do i care :p)

people keep asking (reminding) me that i should share some belly pictures... i'm happy to do so but at this point it just looks like i've been packing on my winter hibernation weight (even though we are just coming into summer). there is no cute baby belly on this body yet.

but since you all want pictures so much, here are the first (and only) two i have taken. don't say i didn't warn you!

17 WEEKS

12 WEEKS

p.s. maybe i should do my hair for one of these pictures hey!

libraries

2011-06-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

i went to the Airdrie library today. can i just say i love libraries. i know that probably makes me a nerd but i do, i really love them. whoever invented them is a genius. (i could probably find out who it was at the library! or i could just google it but that defeats the purpose :))

i didn't have any proof of residence with me (dummy, i've had to produce it so many times by now that i should have something strapped to my body) so i couldn't get a card yet. instead i just walked around some of the stacks, daydreaming about all the lovely books i would borrow when i finally get it together and get a card.

oh how i love books and therefore libraries...

Riga, Latvia

2011-05-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

We are in Riga, Latvia. We have been here since late Monday night. We've been doing a little exploring these last couple of days. WHAT a beautiful city! Everyone should visit this country...

Here are a couple of things we've seen...

over looking the PILSETAS KANALS

laundry drying in the OLD TOWN

ST. PETER'S CHURCH - first mentioned in 1209, this is a really old church!

a bridge in BASTEJKALNS (BASTION HILL) covered in locks - married couples put engraved locks on bridges in Latvia for good luck

NATIVITY OF CHRIST CATHEDRAL - built between 1876 - 1883

POWDER TOWER - dating back to 1330, the fortification tower was destroyed in 1621 and rebuilt in 1650. That's a wee little Pete standing in front.

FREEDOM MONUMENT - unveiled between the wars in 1935, it is a symbol of freedom and Latvian independence

in the air again...

2011-05-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

this might look like i woke up in BC but I didn't....

we are back in the Czech Republic for Josiah Venture's spring conference... shortly after moving into our house in Airdrie, we boarded a plane to London and found ourselves in Gatwick/Crawley for a day. it was a great day for jetlagging... our hotel let us in early so we had a nap. feeling a bit refreshed, we ventured out for food and found a pub serving roast beef dinner! yum! back for another nap. up for more food and sunday was over.

monday we made our way to the place that comes with this incredible view with some help from Dan & Laura Hash for Pete's meetings and the JV conference later in the week.

more to come!

On the road again...

2011-04-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

Well, we're on the road. Our car is packed to the gills with random stuff that we needed until the end or missed in the first frantic packing session (the movers picked up our stuff on Wednesday). It still doesn't feel like we are moving. Despite the fact that the house was completely empty when we left it this morning, it feels like we've only left on a trip. Perhaps I'm in some sort of denial. Probably. It wouldn't be the first time.

So currently we are homeless. Currently we are floating homelessly on a big ferry through Active Pass with our car (full of crap, errrr treasures) beneath us and the sun shining in our laps. Of course the sun has come to visit the island AFTER we are gone. Beautiful blue skies in all directions! Hopefully the sun will be shining (even if it is snowing) when we get to our new home. :)

* See those blue skies? Haven't seen much of that around Victoria lately!

Good Friday

2011-04-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Your dying is never far away nor long ago, but always as close as my own. I cry for the sorrow of being at your death.

But I cry also in gratitude that you will be at my death, O my Savior - and that, though I can only cry for yours, you rescue me from mine.

- "Reliving the Passion", Walter Wangerin Jr.

the countdown is on...

2011-04-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

I just realized that including today, I only have five days of work left at my second home, Great Pacific Mortgage & Investments.

I just realized (thanks to my husband's status update) that our stuff gets picked up by the movers in seven sleeps... seven sleeps! I feel like I haven't even started packing! Thank God for my husband who's picking up my slack!

O my goodness! O my goodness!

navigating culture

2011-04-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

i follow a really cool blog called excerpts from the peanut gallery...

lani johnson introduced me to it... i find it a lovely and thought provoking read...

there was a new blog today... this new blog was where i happened upon the following quoted thought

So often I hear that in order to make it working overseas, be it as a humanitarian worker, a missionary, in the diplomatic corps or just any old international business, there is one virtue above all others: flexibility. It’s true, but it is something deeper than that. You have to be able to roll with the punches on the surface, because deep down you trust. There is nothing naïve or weak about this trust. You make the best arrangements you can with the knowledge you have and then you let it go. It is also called "faith" and what makes it work is that it delights in people - lovely, flakey, people - but doesn't need to rely on them.

she's right, totally right... and though it is certainly more true living in a foreign land and navigating a foreign culture, it's true in my homeland too...

maybe it's because in the eternal scheme of things we are all here temporarily too, this is not our home.

i'm the one who...

2011-03-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

talks in a silly voice more than I should.

gets ridiculously excited at the prospect of something free (I got a coupon for a free chocolate bar the other day... pretty darn excited!)

can sit and watch TV for hours on end but then feels like a total waste of air when I’m done.

doesn’t usually react well when you try to talk to me in the morning about serious or stressful things.

is moving to a land of snow, mosquitoes and wind but is super excited about it.

eats a lot of plain chicken and potatoes these days.

despises having animal hair on her; we can’t all be pet lovers.

drinks hot water A LOT… before you call me an old lady, let me explain… I love water and I’m constantly cold… see, it makes more sense now.

likes eavesdropping on conversations going on around me when I’m walking or taking transit… they’re especially great when you take them completely out of context.

always has a book or blank paper with me… better yet, both!

loves thrift shopping but will never be as good at it as my sister.

doesn’t actually mind being one of the criers in the family.

would eat a kg of cheese in one sitting if it wouldn’t completely wreck my body.

has laughed so hard I’ve peed my pants… twice. Ok fine, maybe twice times 10.

who are you?

thanks for the great idea Amy!

Happy Birthday Pete!

2011-03-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

today is my hubby's birthday.

interesting that it is also the international day of awesome.

coincidence??? i think not! :)

International Day of Awesomeness
- is a celebration of awesomeness. People are awesome every day, frequently don't realize it, and their feats of awesomeness are rarely recognized. We aim to fix that, with a special day to both perform and celebrate feats of awesomeness!

tug and release

2011-03-05T16:49:00.000-08:00

Friday at 4.30pm:
My heart has been in a bit of a tug-o-war lately. Believing that we should move to Alberta, we’ve had our house on the market now for 126 days. I know 126! That’s almost half a pregnancy : ) That’s almost double the number of days Phileas Fogg claimed it would take to get around the world in 1872. O my, it’s a long time when you’re waiting!

On an exciting day near the end of February, we got word that someone wanted to make us an offer on our house! How exciting! The offer was made, the counter accepted, and conditions were to come of by today, Friday, March 4… Days past and we waited for word on when the inspection would happen. The tugging pull starting again when on the Tuesday before THE Friday we still hadn’t heard anything about the inspection.

Were the buyers backing out? Had they found a house they liked better? Was their financing not working out? Was the whole deal gonna fall apart.

Tugging, tugging, tugging. Wednesday we got the call; on Thursday there would be an appraisal in the morning, an inspection in the afternoon and a walk thru in the evening. Phew. The offer was still on the table. The tugging released just a little. Room for breath.

Thursday came. Some house stuff came up. There was more moisture in the crawl space. The sump pump wasn’t kicking in properly. We worried the inspection would not go well. Really, we could get this far in the process to have everything fall apart?! Really, we could.

The inspector came. Pete told him about the moisture. No big deal. Easy fix. The tugging released just a little. Room for breath. But what else would the inspection reveal? Tugging, tugging, tugging.

The inspection came back. No big problems. Electrical upgrade recommended. It costs money. The buyers want a deal. We counter. We wait.

Today is Friday, March 4. And here I sit waiting.

Saturday at 4:30pm:
Sitting on my comfy couch in Victoria, I’ve just realized that within 24 hours from my last tug-o-war thoughts, we’ve bought a house in Airdrie. Our agent texted at 2:30pm this afternoon to tell us the owners of the house we made an offer on at 8am this morning had accepted our offer. Wow. I don't know if that will ever happen again in our lives!

The speed.

The decisiveness.

The big juicy jump into Alberta with no hesitation. I guess we've be waiting for a long time for “moving” details to come to fruition. It's hard to believe we are now onto the next stage... getting ready to move. Bring on the purging!

cool article

2011-02-21T12:51:00.000-08:00

i recently found a cool blog called Frugal Dad. are you surprised that I like a blog about frugality? if you are, you don't really know me :)

anyway, his blog today was called 10 Things I Want My Kids To Learn About Money... i thought he made some very cool points and suggestions...

sight direction

2011-02-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

As I was roaming the streets of downtown Victoria this morning I realized it is necessary to be vigilant about what is happening around me, both for safety and enjoyment of the walk. I cannot fix my gaze in one direction solely. I look up to avoid the oncoming pedestrian traffic (and try to make some eye contact so I don’t appear to be a snob). But then there is the ground to watch out for. This morning I looked down just in time to miss a fresh splat of doggie grossness (I would say given its size it might have been courtesy of a horse, but I haven’t seen any horses on the sidewalk as of late). I like to keep my eyes peeled for interesting occurrences too: animated conversations, funny kid commentary, creative fashion statements... And then there are the cars. When crossing any intersection, no matter what symbol is flashing or solid, if I value my life I must watch for cars because they don’t have my wellbeing as high on their priority list as I do. Shocking, I know.

And I realize as I write that the same is true of life. I cannot fix my gaze in one direction. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to wander aimlessly forever, but neither do I want to focus so much on one direction that I miss all that is going on around me. It’s easy for me to spend too much time on the future, thinking constantly about what will happen, what might happen, what I want to happen. And if not focused on the future, I find myself trapped in the past: what did happen, what I wish would have happened, what I wish didn’t happen.

But in doing so, flopping between what is yet to come and what has passed, I miss stopping in the middle. I miss the small joys of moments, the hilarity of faux pas, the amazingness of the kindness of strangers and to strangers, the satisfaction of a breath of fresh air, the struggle of the moment, the fulfillment of a job well done, the beauty of a developing friendship, the rush of adrenaline courtesy of near death experiences (it’s good to limit that last one… well, actually, who am I to tell you not to step in front of speeding cars!)

Anyway, my thought for today, a point to ponder rather…

I must endeavour to keep all of my senses engaged in every direction possible.

P.S. I’m thinking about starting a website www.bestmulletsever.com because I’ve seen some DOOZIES lately. Too bad I’m not quick enough with my camera phone to take pictures… or maybe it’s because I’m just stunned by the beauty of the mullets… maybe.

Adult Realizations

2011-01-25T17:24:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't blogged for a month... I know that my "come back" blog should be better than a re-blog but I just can't help myself. I laughed outloud when I read some of these Adult Realizations this morning... (my comments are in italics...

ADULT REALIZATIONS

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. sigh...

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font. SERIOUSLY

4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? thank you auntie kathy for making this one a little less painful!

5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood.

6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. ...and refer to the want for naps in #2

8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

9. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. i know right! what do you do?! to save or not to save! what if i changed something by accident?! bah!

10. I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. i don't have call display, but i think this is really funny. mean, but funny!

11. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. totally does!

12. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. however, there were times in my life when this would have prevented anyone from coming to my house... so...

13. I sometimes have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. sometimes?

14. How many times is it appropriate to say "what?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? totally! i need a hearing aid!

15. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. so true!

16. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. what is that!? it happens to me all the time!

17. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

18. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. bahhahahahahahahhahahah... or did a woman invent the helmet!?

Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!

Cold and Lonely

2010-12-24T15:35:00.000-08:00

We think that someone might have slept in our car on Wednesday night.

This is the first day of my LONG weekend Christmas holiday and it is VERY windy out.

I miss my family today.

All very disjointed thoughts, I know. Reflective of the writer I suppose.

Anyway... This is how my brain connects these things...

Thursday morning when Pete got in the car the driver's seat was pushed back and slightly reclined. As well, the car smelled more than faintly of hard liquor and body odor. I was the last the drive the car on Wednesday and aside from maybe the body odor, none of the above occurrences are common when I have driven last. As well, I have a tendency to forget things like locking doors or cars. Add those all up and, well, there aren't a lot of other conclusions to come to. We couldn't think of any anyway. Nothing seemed to be touched. No CDs were taken. Our parking loonies were still in the console. If there was in fact a guest at the Lewis Car Inn on Wednesday night, he was a very respectful guest.

Wednesday night was an especially cold and windy night. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to stay warm that night if I'd had no place to go. I may miss my family today but I'm still grateful for the fact that I have them and I stay in close relationship with them. I know that because of them I will never have no place to go. I can't imagine Christmas without them and Pete. I'm grateful for my five day holiday from work, but I'm even more grateful for my job. And that is how my disjointed thoughts connect.

If in fact he exists, we're glad our mystery stranger found a place to shelter for the night. We only wish we could do more to help him in this season that can be especially cold and lonely for some.

Come they told me...

2010-12-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

There are many beautiful carols... but The Little Drummer Boy is not one of them for me. I find it rather annoying. Pa rum pa pum pum, over and over. I’m sure I loved it as a kid because of the pa rum pa pum pum. Not anymore.

But now, as an adult, I find the other words fascinating.

Come they told me,
A new born King to see,
Our finest gifts we bring,
To lay before the King,
So to honour Him,
When we come.

Little Baby,
I am a poor boy too,
I have no gift to bring,
That's fit to give the King,

Shall I play for you,
On my drum?

Mary nodded,
The ox and lamb kept time,
I played my drum for Him,
I played my best for Him,

Then He smiled at me,
Me and my drum.

First of all, there is an invitation to come before the King. Wow! Who am I that I should come before the King? I can relate to the poor boy in that I feel I have nothing to bring for the King and so sometimes it is especially hard to come before Him with nothing to give. I don’t even have drumming abilities to bring before Him. Sigh.

I still want to come though.

They told the poor boy to come and see the new born King. They said they were bringing gifts to lay before the King, but they didn’t tell the poor boy he had to bring anything. Thankfully, they didn’t tell the poor boy he had to bring anything.

Thankfully I can just come.

Christmas Bells

2010-12-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

The choir I’ve been singing with sang an arrangement of “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” this past Sunday. I’ve been thinking about the words of the verses for the last couple of weeks (as I’ve heard them repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and – you get the picture). It took awhile for them to permeate the thickness of my skull but once they finally did they started banging around in there... trying to make an impact I guess. : )

The words of the song were written as a poem called “Christmas Bells” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on Christmas day in 1864. They were later put to music and, voila, “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.” Mr. Longfellow wrote them out of a couple years of tragedy in his family. (You can read about it here.)

Lately, the most impactful stanzas for me are the last two:

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"

It’s hard for me not to despair about the state of the world (could be because I’m a melancholy...), the lack of peace in many parts of the world, the levels of need in so many countries, the illness and poverty and violence, the repercussions of natural disasters, and the number of people living in constant struggle, whether physical or mental. It’s desperate. Truly desperate.

But ironically, those who are saddest and most depressed are not necessarily those who are living in the most poverty stricken areas of the world. And those who are the most violent and hateful are not necessarily those who are living in the least peaceful places in the world. And those who are most lonely and alone are not necessarily those who are living in the most desolate places on the globe.

And, for me, this is where “God is not dead; nor doth he sleep” comes into play. How else can the illogical distribution of peace in the midst of strife and joy despite hunger and pain be explained than by the presence of an all-knowing, all-loving God. How else?

NEED...

2010-12-21T12:39:00.000-08:00

I know that I don’t need anything for Christmas this year. Well actually, I do need a perimeter drain inspection and I would really like a SOLD sticker on our For Sale sign. I am getting the inspection (woo hoo :P) but the SOLD sticker, well, here’s hoping...

Oh, and I need a couple of shoeboxes to finish our hamper. Side story, I asked at a shoe store today if they had any extra shoe boxes that people didn’t want and they informed me they were already broken down for recycling. They seemed really happy not to help, but did offered to sell me some gift boxes. When I told them I needed them for hampers and the organization had specifically asked for shoeboxes they were a bit more sympathetic but no luck, I’m still looking for shoeboxes.

But I digress... I know that I don’t need anything for Christmas this year (except maybe some more grace, as evidenced in the story above....scratch that, for SURE some more grace!) But you know, when I walk through the mall and see all the pretty clothes in the windows, I get this sudden, overwhelming feeling that I need new clothes, that I need new things. I need a new sweater and some new mittens. I could really use another pair of black shoes and new jacket. I’m going to a wedding in early January (yay for Janine and Benji), I should probably get a new outfit.

Unfailingly, going to the mall stops in my tracks (mentally and sometime physically!). I don’t like that feeling... that feeling that I NEED more new things. Yes, I want new things, would even be delighted by new things. But need them? Not even close. Except in my need for grace and forgiveness, I don't even marginally understand the concept of need.

My solution to this unwanted urge: stay out of the mall :) I guess you could say I’m an avoider! Needless to say, my times in the mall are short and deliberate. Which I am entirely ok with! Especially in December!

Beautifully Fragrant

2010-12-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

Bananas are an interesting fruit. I tend to pick the unblemished, uniform color ones. They look so perfect and unmarred. But when I begin to peel them, I realize that the skin is thick and tough and the fruit inside is hard, unripened, and flavorless.

Today I chose the last banana. This one was a little bruised but not mushy yet. I could tell the skin was thin so I handled it a little more carefully. I turned my nose at it as I thought about opening it, sure it would be damaged beyond what I like. I peeled it anyway.

The inside was fine. It was better than fine. There were no mushy spots. It was surprisingly firm. Its perfume filled the air immediately. It was bursting with flavor! It was a perfect banana. Despite its battered appearance, it was wonderful.

Perhaps its bruises actually created the beautiful flavor. Just a thought.

yesterday

2010-11-30T20:44:00.000-08:00

i am at the end of november and i've missed another day of blogging... this time i had a good excuse... for the first time in a really long time i went home from work sick yesterday. i honestly can't remember the last time I went or stayed home sick...

because every sick day has an anecdote, i'll share mine...

pete came to pick me up and the first thing i did when i got in the car was pull out the ziploc container from my lunch bag... we'll call this the 'just in case' container.

pete asked me if i had another one... did he think i would fill the whole container? no, no, no. he said if i used mine he'd need the other... weak stomach!

when we pulled up to the house i gathered my bags and the 'just in case' container. as i walked into the house, stuff still in hand, i started the dry barfing... gross, i know. pete asked if he could do anything.

my response: 'can you undo my boots?'

my hands were still full of stuff, including the 'just in case' container. i couldn't take my boots off.

'forget your boots, just go to the bathroom!' right.

thankfully when i dropped all my stuff i didn't drop the 'just in case' container...
i didn't quite make it... i know, TMI

Change

2010-11-28T21:46:00.000-08:00

Change is in the air. One thing I know about change is that it's inevitable. Sometimes it's big. Sometimes it's small.

Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. All the time, whatever the feelings it evokes, God is with me as my guide, my comfort and my hope.

"...my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend..."

-Anne of Green Gables,
Lucy Maud Montgomery

Sense

2010-11-27T20:09:00.000-08:00

In anticipation of tomorrow's grey cup game I am watching Dora the Explorer with my niece, Kailee. I know, it doesn't make any sense at all. I find I often do things that don't make much sense so I'm not too worried! :)

technology rocks...

2010-11-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

this is officially my first iPhone blog. that's right, with no computer in front of me, I am going to attempt to communicate with the world through cyberspace. needless to say, this specific blog will not be full of fancy editing and such (not that my blogs usually are anyway) because I have no patience for tiny little screens and the iPhone keyboard.

that being said, it is truly amazing to reflect on the ability to do this. it actually baffles my mind. I remember when I first started using a computer frequently, mostly for word processing and other such mundane activities. my grandma's response when the subject of computers came up was always something like "what do you need those for. a typewriter works just fine." she did have a pretty skookum electric typewriter! anyway... she was certainly entitled to her opinion. she was born before electricity, cars, air travel, television and indoor plumbing were a wide spread everyday occurrence. I can see how the invention of the computer might have simultaneously paled in comparison and created an unwelcome learning curve.

all that to say, technology rocks... sometimes.

happy thanksgiving south of the border

2010-11-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

i am not an american... but i do like turkey and being thankful.

it saddens me that more often than not i forget to be thankful for all of the wonderful people and stuff around me... something i’ve been learning lately is that it is all about my attitude. every situation can be made better if i change my attitude about it. seriously, i am not one prone to exaggeration. i say every and i truly mean every. some situations are only made marginally better, but better is better.

and so, in honour (like how i spelled that?) of my american friends and family, i'm going to share with you my 'thankful for...' list.

WARNING: it is not exhaustive! there is just not enough time in a day to write down ALL of the blessings i have received.

here we go:

my hubby

my family, near and far, especially the ones under 2 feet tall, no offense to the taller ones!

my friends, sane and insane

my job

my mittens... seriously coldesthandsever.com

my warm house especially when it has a roaring fire

running water

my health... and the healthcare available when my health is sketchy

my boots... the streets are SLOPPY today

public transit... walking is fun for awhile

my hubby... whoops, i already said that

like i said, not even remotely exhaustive but it's a start...

you'll notice i didn't say i was thankful for my face... well i am ;)

the beauty of generosity...

2010-11-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

my friend tracey is organizing the auction I keep talking about...

here is a little note from her...

as you know i'm doing an online art auction for Gentle Hands, the orphanage that we are moving to manila, philippines to work with. the proceeds of all the art will go towards the building expansion, which will be expanding the current building and adding an additional building to help facilitate and house the growing "family" of babies, toddlers and young children who call Gentle Hands "home".

the pieces we have received are amazing. AMAZING. i'm overwhelmed at the generosity of the photographers & artists
involved.

go to www.gentlehandsartauction.blogspot.com and you can see the amazingness she was talking about

or go to her blog at traceylheppner.com

preparation for life or life of preparing?

2010-11-23T12:56:00.000-08:00

I find it kind of ironic that as we plan a move to the prairies, Victoria is helping us prepare. (Reality is it was probably just as cold last year but my memory is rose coloured!) Though the temperatures are not nearly as cold here (it’s currently -3 C), the whole feel of today takes me back to Saskatchewan. Maybe not mid-winter in Saskatchewan... more like early October!

Nose hairs freezing moments after leaving the warm of the indoors (in Saskatchewan it would be seconds!), snow crunching as I walk, blinding sunlight reflecting off of white snow and creating an illusion of warmth. And don’t forget my face, it hurts to smile it’s so dry! I’m turning into my true alligator self, another sign that winter is creeping up quickly. :)

I can’t say I ever waited at a bus stop in the prairies; I’m sure that would be agony... although, some prairie cities do have heated bus shelters! Bonus! Or wait, more like frostbite prevention necessity :( Ya, the inside of my car, sitting my frozen butt down on my frozen car seat, was still much colder than this morning’s bus stop. As was being a snow ninja. Who’s kidding who though, I’m never gonna be prepared for a prairie winter while living in Victoria! But Victoria is doing its best. Sorry to all true Victorians who are suffering for our moving preparation.... because of course, the weather is determined by me and me alone ;)

Pseudo frostbite aside, I find life has a funny way of preparing us for things. Sometimes we realize what is happening in the preparation period and we can see the ‘lessons’ in our everyday living. Sometimes we don’t see the process until later and at the time we fight the ‘lessons’ tooth and nail, trying with every fibre of our being not to learn what life is teaching us, trying to get the lesson over with. Funny. Humans are funny.

On a somewhat related topic, my friend posted this quote on Facebook the other day... I really like it.

Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments... ~ Frederick Buechner

Sorry for the discombobulated nature of this post... it reflects the state of mind I am in I suppose. And to continue in that state....

don't forget to log on to the gentle hands art auction website today. the art pieces are up! (this is me, reminding you again!)

SNOW

2010-11-22T19:31:00.000-08:00

when i left for work this morning I had the option of driving or taking the bus. it seemed fine out but they were forecasting 2cm of snow. now, i don't mind snow but honestly, neither this city nor its drivers are prepared for snow!

it turned out to be a brilliant decision. at about 9am the snow started to fall and the wind started to blow. by 10.30am, pete had already witnessed a significant accident and well, it is a regular blizzard out there!

i started taking pictures to document the snow's progress, but it was so cold and windy outside that i didn't want to go anywhere so my pictures are limited to the view out the office window.

the first picture is from 11.00am and the second one was 30 minutes later when the wind was picking up... these pictures don't at all do justice to the wind!

at 2.30pm i was not looking forward to the commute home... facebook updates had traffic moving at about 1.5 miles an hour... i was thinking, "too bad i didn't wear boots, i could walk and beat the bus home!"

turned out i didn't have to walk. one of my bosses was kind enough to give me a ride home. the trip still took twice as long but my feet were warm the whole way...

and we (by we, i mean he) got to help a little tracker with spinning tires up a hill with his big diesel truck!

yay for the fire that was burning when i home. the wind it howling, the snow is blowing and we are hoping the tree in our back yard stays standing!

perfect timing

2010-11-21T19:36:00.000-08:00

i'm often baffled by God's timing...

i try so hard to plan and orchestrate things to my liking only to find that i have missed a detail or a wrench has been thrown in my plans... or simply that i have no control over one of the factors involved.

so often i end up frustrated because things aren't happening as i would like them to. i'm sure these thoughts and feelings are not exclusive to me... in fact i know they aren't because i've often heard them echoed, even introduced in conversation...

i understand in my head that until i can see the future or i acquire a working crystal ball (which ain't gonna happen), i'll never be able to plan life perfectly. and so, i try my darndest to trust that God is working it out for me in a way that is even better than i could ever have planned or imagined...

He has so far so why would he stop now! :)

one of my favorite songs to listen to when i'm worked up about what is happening (or isn't happening) is Be Still by Kari Jobe

He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone
He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one
He is here, He is here

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
wait patiently upon the lord
Be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me
and the wind tries to draw me away
I will stand on the mountain,
safe in your arms I will sing I will sing

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
wait patiently upon the lord
Be still my soul, be still

Be still I know he is God
He is here, he is here
Be still I know he is God
He is here, he is here

So Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
wait patiently upon the lord
Be still my soul, be still
wait patiently upon the lord
Be still my soul, be still

easier said than done, but...

happy birthday to me...

2010-11-20T16:10:00.000-08:00

today is my 32nd birthday...

and for my birthday this year i've received a number of things, some good, some bad and some a little of both:

snow!

a day off

a wonderful breakfast at John's Place with Julie

a roaring fire

many lovely birthday wishes

a walk around swan lake with my love

a new journal

pending, but unknown transition (transition is becoming an non-event!)

another year of "wisdom" to add to my life resume

another year of wonderful memories to file in the memory bank

a couple more laugh wrinkles

a WEALTH of knowledge about marriage - i'm practically an expert (HA!)

here's to another year of adventure, excitement, laughter, tears and love.

this is me... getting a little older and a little crazier and a little more harry potter looking!

don't forget to log on to the gentle hands art auction website today. the art pieces are up! (told you i would remind you!)

life and death

2010-11-19T12:41:00.000-08:00

I’m reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. When it comes up in conversation about books, people gasp when I say I haven’t read it.

You haven’t read it! You must!

What!? O my goodness. It is the best book ever.

Well, I’m taking your word for it Canada readers (in the small circle that I talk to) and seeing what all the fuss is about! Better late than never!

I’m only on page 43 but so far, so good. I’ve already found my first quotable quote (good sign). It was on page 6 (even better sign).

The reason death sticks so closely to life isn’t biological necessity – it’s envy. Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can.

I’m not sure what Mr. Martel’s intention was with this statement but I like to interpret it in an allegorical, metaphorical kind of way. With human beings, dark, depressed, lonely people are often drawn to those who are light, upbeat, and full of life, drinking in whatever positivity they can – even if it is only in small doses because that can’t handle the intensity of the optimism. Life attracts death.

With good and evil, evil’s only power is in its attempt to defeat good and displace it. Evil is jealous of good and appears only to win when good is overpowered. Death is jealous of life and wants to be as attractive as life is, grabbing at its luster in whatever way it can.

As I was thinking about life and death I wrote a haiku...

A beautiful life
Gazed longingly at by death
Envy beyond measure

Gentle Hands Art Auction

2010-11-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

saturday begins the week that the art pieces for the gentle hands art auction go on display online! i'm so excited to see all the beautiful pieces that will be for auction!

my friends, tracey and jonathan and kiddies, are moving to the Philippines in december to continue to be a part of the Gentle Hands organization. tracey is a photographer and the organizer of the wonderful auction idea (i believe!)

you can read about gentle hands at their website...

here is a blurb about them from gentlehandsartauction.com.

Gentle Hands, located in the heart of Metro Manila, Philippines, is a child & youth welfare agency on the front lines of rescue & rehabilitation of medical, social and educational needs of at-risk children & youth. We work towards transforming communities through the love of Jesus and family-centred care.

the auction will start on November 28 and end on the 30th! don't forget to log on to the auction website November 20th to check them out. (don't worry, i'll remind you!)

free stuff!

2010-11-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

now really, who doesn't like free stuff!

because i believe that deep down everyone loves free stuff i thought i would share with you some of my secrets! trust me, these are not the extent of the great deal websites that are out there but these are a few of the ones i frequent.

coupons

i like coupons... lots of people don't... this is where i find some gooders!

save.ca

websaver.ca

free stuff

if you subscribe to freebies4her.com you get emails once a week that take you to product websites that are offering free samples.

if you subscribe to groceryalerts.ca you get emails that have printable coupons in them

for those of you with kids you can sign up to freeparentstuff.ca and get regular emails about coupons and free stuff for babies... or heinzbaby.com and get great coupons for baby food and sometimes free samples.

sign up for free samples of proctor & gamble products . each month you get new choices of products to choose.

join the frugal freebies group on facebook and get alerts of coupons and free stuff whenever they find stuff.

great deals

if you haven't heard of groupon you should check it out. you can purchase deals from restaurants, stores, spas, anything! there is a different deal each day and if enough people jump on the band wagon, you get a great deal! only major cities seem to offer it so far but the number of cities on the list continues to grow!

that is the extent of my free knowledge thus far... i'll let you know if i learn more!

character

2010-11-16T08:18:00.000-08:00

I have officially failed my quest to blog everyday in November. November 15th will forever be a sad day. Ok, maybe that is a little dramatic. But I am a little disappointed in myself...

Which leads me to my quote of the day... it is from the book Passing by Samaria by Sharon Ewell Foster.

It was made of a rough wooden frame around heavy glass. Once a very pale mint green, now more of the wood grain showed through. The lines and dips of the wood were more prominent so that the outer paint was just a tint; the character of the wood showed through... She liked it better now. It was more clear. It was what it was.

That's the funny thing about my character, it always shines through eventually. I can pretend to be something I'm not for awhile, but eventually I cannot pretend anymore and I am what I am.

I guess that's why they call it a 'quest for character'... it doesn't just fall in your lap, if you want strength of character you have to learn it and practice it until it becomes second nature... or should I say, until it becomes closer to second nature :s Guess I'll get back to learning...

GO ROUGHRIDERS!

2010-11-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

go roughriders! 41 - 38 over the Lions! to the Western Final we come! see ya next weekend boys, when you stamp all over the stamps!

persistence... part II

2010-11-13T21:24:00.000-08:00

so i'm still think about persistence... and my lack of it...

i stumbled upon Luke 18:1-8

1 One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. 2 “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people. 3 A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ 4 The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, 5 but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’”

6 Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. 7 Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?”

before i came across this passage i already knew i wanted to be more persistent... this just confirmed it.

luke warm... wishy washy... undetermined... call it whatever you want... i don't want to be it. i want to be like the persistent widow who pursued without wavering what she knew she needed.

persistance

2010-11-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about persistence today. Maybe it's because yesterday was Remembrance Day and I've been reflecting on our military and the persistence that is required to serve in that way...

I looked up the word persistent.

per•sist•ent
pərˈsɪs tənt,-ˈzɪs-
–adjective

a. persisting, esp. in spite of opposition, obstacles, discouragement, etc.; persevering: a most annoyingly persistent young man.

b. lasting or enduring tenaciously: the persistent aroma of verbena;

c. constantly repeated; continued: persistent noise;

d. incessantly repeated; unrelenting: your persistent questioning;

e. (of a chemical) slow to break down; not easily degradable

I think all of the definitions fit the life of one in military service... but I'm less sure that they can be said about my life... especially some days.

Do I endure opposition, obstacles, discouragement? Not really. Often I find myself asking why, giving up or whining rather than just pushing through and persisting.

Do I try again when I fail? Do I get up again and find a new way to fight the battle or conquer the task? Sometimes, but often I just give up and try something else.

Am I slow to break down and fall apart when obstacles are thrown at me and I have to try harder or find away around the obstacles? Sometimes, but more often than not I turn into a puddle of tears and threaten to give up.

This is not the way I want to live.

strawberry pie

2010-11-11T21:45:00.000-08:00

i made strawberry pie today.

it was my first time ever!

it's quite easy to make but mine was just a little bit runny (probably because I used frozen strawberries) but i'll work on it! :) maybe if i try over and over and over I'll perfect strawberry pie (and gain 20lbs) but at least i will have perfected strawberry pie!

thankfulness...

2010-11-10T20:45:00.000-08:00

Thankfulness is so tied to grace that the absence of gratitude in a Christian's life is an indication that legalism still rules the day. - John Fischer

ouch. i believe this quote whole heartedly but man, if you stacked my life up against it, i must be drowning in legalism. i'm ashamed of my frequent ungratefulness. it's WAY to easy for me to feel sorry for myself... to dwell on the things i don't have... or the things that aren't going right. bah!

but when i do realized what a doofus i am being, how blessed i am, i want to kick myself. how can i forget what a blessing it is to have running water, electricity, a roof over my head, a floor beneath my feet, food to eat, clothes to wear, a paycheque... or what about freedom, literacy, the right to speak, opportunity...

wow. how do i forget so easily?

my eyes! MY EYES!

2010-11-09T12:53:00.000-08:00

Oh the things in my head. No, you heard me right. I said the things ON my head not in my head. Those are a WHOLE other cup of tea!

This morning my eyes and my contact lenses decided they didn’t want to have anything to do with each other. All I was trying to do was arrange a play date. I brought the contact over to the eye’s territory and the eye just wasn’t having any of it.

Fiery burning sensation…

Itching, want-to-pluck-my-eyes-out urges!

Bah! The contacts went home to their bubbly solution immediately…

And so, this is the ocular state of my existence today. You’ll notice the picture seems a little fuzzy… that’s because that’s how well I feel like I see when I wear glasses…

Just in case you were curious. :)

my little white shoes

2010-11-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

About two years ago, I set out on a hunt for the perfect pair of shoes. I was getting married. I didn’t want to wear uncomfortable, trip inducing heels. I didn’t want to wear sandals (it was February!) I was looking for a little white pair of tennis shoes. Not the kind you would actually play tennis in, just the kind that LOOK a little sporty. I didn’t want it to be a huge investment because I figured I probably wouldn’t wear them again. You see, I’m not a big fan of white shoes. Any white shoes really.

After visiting, oh maybe 10 stores, I found a pair that would suffice. They weren’t anything special but they would do. Who really sees your shoes when you are wearing that big puffy dress anyway!?

The big day came and my feet were comfortable all day long. Those little white shoes did the trick nicely. As we left for our honeymoon that same day, I intended to leave the little white shoes on the shelf but at the last minute I changed my mind. These little white shoes were starting to grow on me.

Turns out they are still growing on me. It’s been two years and my little white shoes have taken me many places and carried me through many long days. My little white shoes took me home for my grandma’s funeral and back again that same summer for my grandad’s memorial. They took me through fall and winter and back to the cemetery to visit their graves. They took me to the farm and to visit family. They took me to tropical islands for vacations. They took me to Europe, Poland and Czech, to wander cobblestone streets and meet people of the amazing variety. They took me through long days and short and they are still taking me places.

Yesterday they took me back to the place where we got our wedding pictures taken. (Thanks to tracey l heppner photography.)

I wonder how long they will be able to keep up...

Comfort vs. Strength

2010-11-07T13:50:00.000-08:00

I recently read the book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller.

For those of you who know nothing about the book, here is a snippet from the back cover.

Years after writing a best-selling memoir, Donald Miller went into a funk and spent months sleeping in and avoiding his publisher. One story had ended, and Don was unsure how to start another. But he gets rescued by two movie producers who want to make a movie based on his memoir. When they start fictionalizing Don's life for film--changing a meandering memoir into a structured narrative--the real-life Don starts a journey to edit his actual life into a better story. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years details that journey and challenges readers to reconsider what they strive for in life. It shows how to get a second chance at life the first time around.

It was a great book. What I liked the best about it was that in his search to write a great story he came to discover that the parts of a movie or a book that make it epic and sought after are the same things that make a life memorable and enviable.

When we watch the news, we grieve all [the violence and pain and horrible things], but when we go to the movies, we want more of it. Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in. We think God is unjust, rather than a master storyteller.

I'm beginning (yes, only beginning) to understand that God is patiently forming me and helping me as I 'write' the story of my life. I want to get life's lessons done and over, quick and dirty, and get to the good stuff. But as we all know, a boring, cushy, and trial-free life doesn't produce the strength of character I desire. He too desires to form me into the the person I long to be. What I have a hard time reconciling is what it takes to become a person of character.

Someday I'll learn that I can't have it both ways. Until then I'll just have to smack myself sometimes!

wise and ugly please

2010-11-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

I read a question the other day... it was a prompt on a blogging site... an idea for a person to write about... a jumping off point...

Would you rather be wealthy and ugly,

wise and sickly,

or beautiful and stupid?

interesting question. i don't really like the options so i jumbled them up and picked my own. my blog. i can do what i want :)

i would choose wise and ugly...

choosing ugly over sickly and stupid was a no brainer for me... i hate being sick. i refuse to get sick and even deny it when it does come. thankfully, i am rarely sick, perhaps that's why i am so bad at it when i do succumb to it. i fear that if i ever become sickly I will be dreadfully whiny.

and stupid, stupid just isn't an option... call me whatever you want (except stupid) but i would sacrifice MANY things to avoid being stupid... i hate looking stupid, feeling stupid... sometimes i act stupid but that's because i willingly choose to. i want to be smart! i covet knowledge, perhaps even hoard it sometimes.

now knowledge is not wisdom, but they are good friends. which leads me to my next choice: wisdom over wealth or beauty. wealth and beauty are great but i think if i had to choose only one of the three, i would choose wisdom. wealth is easy to lose.. the number of lottery winners that end up declaring bankruptcy is ridiculous... now if i could have wealth with wisdom, then maybe...

and beauty, well, no one likes to be hideous looking but beauty is fleeting and so are beauty's fickle friends. wisdom it is, since i'm pretending to have a choice.

the harp of human feeling

2010-11-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe. Surprisingly, I've gotten to the ripe ole age of 31 without ever reading it.

I'm liking it immensely. Reading it makes me wish I could have met Ms. Beecher Stowe. Her perspective and the irony she shares it with are at the same time funny and thought provoking. She slyly reveals the ridiculousness of some of her characters as she dialogues them to blatant ignorance. I love it!

But on a more serious note, since most of the book's main story lines follow slaves, the tone is often despairing and I find myself sighing deeply at the inhumanity of it all. But somehow in the midst of that despair, Ms. Beecher Stowe paints a picture of the desperate human condition that is beautiful. The title character Tom clings to Jesus and the promises of the bible through the entire book (well, at least to chapter 28 because that's how far I am) in a way that I find hopeful and challenging. As the author describes his state, her depiction of the harp of human feeling points me to the resiliency with which we were created by God. Purposefully and intricately created to withstand the pain of a fallen world, to endure the inevitable loss, heartache and abuse the world and its inhabitants will pummel us with, God created us in a way that we might be protected from ourselves.

But I digress...

Chapter XXII starts with the following quote I was referring to above:

Life passes, with us all, a day at a time; so it passed with our friend Tom, till two years were gone. Though parted from all his soul held dear, and though often yearning for what lay beyond, still was he never positively and consciously miserable; for, so well is the harp of human feeling strung, that nothing but a crash that breaks every string can wholly mar its harmony; and, on looking back to seasons which in review appear to us as those of deprivation and trial, we can remember that each hour, as it glided, brought its diversions and alleviations, so that, though not happy wholly, we were not, either wholly miserable.

Thank you Lord for the protection from the crashes, for the strength of the harp strings, and for the diversions you bless us with in our lowest moments.

scars

2010-11-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

i have a faint scar on my hand... it runs from the curve between my thumb and pointy finger to just right of the centre of my palm. when i was in high school, I was over at my friend's house with my sister. we were sitting on the balcony off her room when we saw a kite get caught in a bush in her yard below. i ran downstairs and outside to help the kite out of the bush. as I pulled the kite free, its tail slid through my hand. and of course, there was a razor tied to the end of its tail. as it slid through my hand, it sliced my palm. by the time I got back upstairs, the blood had pooled in the palm of my hand. and today, I remember that day whenever I look at my hand...

that's the interesting thing about scars, they all tell a story...

He will love you for you...

2010-11-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

This song by JJ Heller is amazing. It's called "What Love Really Means"... you can watch it on youtube by clicking on the link... thanks for posting it PJ :)

There are days when I do ok at loving people and loving myself... when everyone is nice to me and I am nice to them (and to myself)... when it's easy to laugh at my idiosyncrasies and at theirs. But there are other days when everyone seems really unloveable, days when I can hardly look at myself in the mirror without wanting to punch the mirror out.

When I listen to this song it gives me goosebumps to think that God loves me so much that he would sing this over me... it brings tears to my eyes that even in my most desperate and broken state He loves me enough to say...

I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become.
I will love you for you. I will give you the love, the love that you never knew.

He love you enough to say it to you too... He does.

foggy day...

2010-11-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

there is a strange and heavy fog lurking about this morning... it envelopes me, making me want to rub my eyes to make it go away... the rubbing isn't working so i guess i'll enjoy its curious embrace...

November is....

2010-11-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

November is National Blog Posting Month!

My goal for November is to post something everyday! I know! For someone who has a hard time posting once a month, this is going to be a challenge!

But I'm up for it! Well, I am today anyway... :s

FOR SALE!

2010-10-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

our house is for sale! we are moving to Alberta!

mind reading as a super power...

2010-10-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

A lady and two tweenage boys passed me while I was walking on View Street this morning. With a head nod toward the soup kitchen line of not quite sufficiently clothed, shivering people and shopping carts, the lady said, “That’s what happens if you...” And then her sentence stopped. One of the boys grunted his response, “Yep.”

I can’t only imagine how the sentence finished in her head. There are brief moments in time when I wish my super power was mind reading... and then the moment passes.

my grandpas...

2010-09-28T22:10:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking about my grandfathers lately.

My dad’s dad passed away just over a year ago. He was 79. Right up until the very end of his life he was raising money for the people of Sri Lanka and making regular trips there... this despite having heart problems and leukemia. Sometimes when I think about him, I don’t understand the lack of vision my generation (me included) has. I only knew him for my lifespan of course, and in retrospect I don’t really feel like I knew him well at all. Kinda one of those, hindsight is 20/20 things I guess. In the time I did know him though, he never seemed to wonder what he should be doing. He just did whatever he could, for whoever he could. Every body who knew him loved and respected him.

My mom’s dad is 86. He is going to Haiti on a mission trip in November. He squeezed a number of mission trips in over his practically 80 years of farming in southern Saskatchewan. The stories he tells are fabulous, some of them almost unbelievable, about the miracles and the wonders of God’s provision over the years. He still has stories to tell because, I swear, miracles still follow behind him. Could it be that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him? I don’t know if I’ve ever, or if I’ll ever, know a man more generous than my grandpa. I don’t know if one exists.

The Bucket List

2010-09-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

I placed an 'X' by all the things I've done and removed the 'X' from the ones I have not. At the bottom of the list, I added something I've done that's not already on the list. Post it on your blog and do the same!

NO EXPLANATIONS!

Things I have done during my lifetime:

( ) Gone on a blind date
( ) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
(X) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost
(X ) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose or elsewhere
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
() Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
(X) Gone snowmobiling
(X) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
(X) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
() Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland or Disney World
( ) Been in a rain forest
(X) Seen whales in the ocean
(X) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
(X) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
(X) Been to Westminster Abbey
(X) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(X) Been to a Canadian Football League game
(X) Been to an NHL game
(X) Thrown up after riding a roller coaster or other carnival ride
( ) Buried a pet
(X) been parasailing
( ) Learned a second language fluently
( ) Dipped feet into both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans in the same month
( ) Seen the Panama Canal
( ) Spent years in a National Park
( ) Have been wake boarding
(X) Truly believe in miracles
(X) Has passed gas and blamed it on someone else
( ) Driven a Nascar
(X) Saw the Aurora Borealis -- The Northern Lights
() Crashed the same car twice in 6 months
( ) Crashed the same car twice in one day
(X) Been to a drive in theatre
( ) Peered over the edge of the Grand Canyon
( ) Climbed Ayers Rock (Northern Territory, Australia)
( ) Milked a sheep
(X) been kayaking
( ) been to an NHL playoff game
(X) been white water rafting
( ) flew an airplane
(X) been to an NBA basketball game
( ) been to Jamaica
( ) been to Hell's Gate
( ) eaten chocolate-covered ants
(X) been in a musical
( ) sang in front of an audience in a mall
( ) recorded something with someone famous
( ) cried during a chris tomlin concert
( ) slept in till 4 pm, then went back to bed and slept some more
( ) got a tattoo
( ) horseback rode across desert and beach
( ) visited the statue of buddha
(X) been in a movie

So You Think You Can Write results

2010-09-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

If you remember, on September 10th, I posted a blog about entering the So You Think You Can Write contest the Victoria Times Colonist had advertised. Well, I didn't expect much from entering. I knew there would be many entries and I wasn't confident mine would get much notice in that deep and wide pool of entries.

This morning I got the following email. I'm not entirely sure what "one of a very few semi-finalists" pans out like, but even if that was a nice way of saying sorry, it was a VERY nice way of saying sorry.

Thanks for putting the contest on Victoria Times Colonist, it was great to be a part of it!

Dear Erin Lewis,

Although you are not among the finalists for our first ever So You Think You Can Write contest, you were one of a very few semi-finalists chosen from among 345 entries. We were overwhelmed by the quantity and quality of the entries, and our judges had a very difficult time narrowing the semi-finalists to just five finalists.

The judges were impressed by the heartfelt nature of your submission. If you do indeed feel that writing is central to your existence I hope you continue to pursue it. Thank you for taking part in SYTYCW, Edition 1.

I hope you will contemplate entering the contest again next year. You can follow the progress of the five finalists in print every Sunday and check out the submissions online at timescolonist.com (search “So You Think You Can Write”).

Lucinda Chodan
Editor in chief

p.p. Karen Calland

You can check out the article in yesterday's paper here...

...and the article about the final five here.

prickly cucumber...

2010-09-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

i know why they call cucumbers prickly... i picked a couple cucumbers today and they were prickly. now, they aren't officially prickly cucumbers but they were definitely prickly! hmm, reminds me of someone i know too well... no, not pete!

i also got to pick some tomatoes that are finally ripe, what might be the last of the lettuce and some miniature carrots... they are seriously cute...

So You Think You Can Write Victoria Island

2010-09-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

The Victoria Times Colonist recently had a contest, So You Think You Can Write. The invitation said, “think of it as Canadian Idol crossed with a public writing workshop for Vancouver Island’s amateur wordsmiths.” I decided to enter. What do I have to lose!?

To enter, you had to send some written piece declaring why you should be picked as one of the SYTYCW final competitors. Any style could be used, but it had to be between 250 and 500 words.

I’m not sure my entry answered the question very well, but you can decide for yourself! The following was my entry:

I MUST

I mumble, I jumble, run and stumble up my words
My tongue gets tied, my brain all fried
And everyone just stares. Mouths open, unsure
if I asked or if I stated.

But when I write, ahhh, I’m smooth, melodious,
clear and to the point. No question of intent
And all know exactly, exactly what was meant.
My stumbling stops and stuttering ceases
And words become my friend.
No more am I the one who, misinterpreted,
Just quits... quits talking, communicating,
expressing and deducing.

This, you see, is why I must, why I must still write.
If I stop I’ll die inside, stifled by myself.
My thoughts, my likes, my hates and hurts will
overtake my soul, crushing any sign of life,
extinguishing my whole.

So I must write, I must express,
put pencil to the page,
release the valve of wanton thought,
joyful praise,
uncertain concept,
ethereal hope.
Release them all into the earth, even if to do it harm.
For their release, I must defend, is my only saving.
Since if I stop the ink from flow, its consequence is great;
my soul will wither, my heart will stop,
my mind, its conscious thought will cease and then, alas,
my body will know not what to do, and stop at once its function,
leaving nothing of use in a wasted shell.

You see? I must write, I must tell, I must spill words onto a page.
I must, for if I do not, I will no longer be.

"Good to a Fault" by Marina Endicott

2010-09-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

I read an interesting book this weekend, "Good to a Fault" by Marina Endicott.

I just picked it up off the fast reads shelf. The first draw for me, being a Saskatchewan girl and all, was that it was set in Saskatoon. The second draw was how its premise seemed very unlikely, particularly in North American culture.

Don't worry, I won't tell you more that you can find on the back cover.

After causing a car accident, the main protagonist, Clara, chooses to take in the family who's car she totaled. By take in, I mean full on, invade ALL her space and take over her house in. Be it out of guilt or charity, she chooses to turn her whole life inside out for them. Fascinating.

I won't tell you anymore, just in case. ;)

confusion

2010-08-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

I’m afraid I mustn’t use my words wisely. Often people don’t understand what I’m saying. Do I use the wrong words? Do I put them in the wrong order? Is my inflection wrong? Do I sound like I’m asking a question when I mean to be making a statement?

If only I could use punctuation when I speak... do the signs with my hands as I speak the sentence. Maybe then my thoughts would be clearer.

Perhaps what I hear in my head isn’t even what is coming out of my mouth. Perhaps I only speak every second word. That would make things very complicated to understand. Imagine.

If need I’ll outside a minutes. Don’t me it’s who on phone.

Did you get that? Me neither. It doesn’t make any sense.

Ya, maybe I don’t either. Things could be worse I guess. Well...

noise

2010-08-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

the funny thing about noise is that you don't realize how intrusive it is until it's gone. you don't realize how distracting it is, how painful it is, how all consuming it is... you don't realize until you have a chance to experience something other than the noise.

complete silence has a way of changing focus. where before silence, the tendency is to hear around the noise, over the noise, through the noise, silence, and there is no noise to distract, to be blamed.

silence is found, you must be on with the task. now it is too silent. what excuse can be made for fruitlessness? what or who can be blamed? what was set out to be done, cannot. what now? the noise of the head is all of the sudden loud. louder than ever. too loud to quiet. maybe find noise again. the noise is much less distracting then my noise.

right expectations...

2010-08-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

i read this blog by John Fisher today... i found it a good reminder for me... for where I'm at... today... well, maybe for more than today...

Right expectations
by John Fischer

Life isn't fair; honor God anyway.

No, it's not a scripture verse; it's my one-line summary of the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament. It's a pretty accurate one, too, as I'm pretty confident anyone who has studied the book would agree. It's puzzling to think that a philosophical book about the meaninglessness of life would be in the Bible, but I think it's only puzzling due to our warped sensibilities living in a relatively affluent culture in this time in history.

Let's face it: we have extravagant expectations and we are disappointed when life deals us what in any other time or culture would be simply what everyone learns to put up with. We expect to be happy all the time, to never grow old, to have successful relationships, to be constantly entertained, and to have the ease and luxury of kings and queens, and as Christians, we mindlessly transfer all these expectations over to what God will bless us with if we believe. We are surprised by Mother Teresa's dark night of the soul because we expected everything to shine so brightly, especially for those closest to God. Well, hello, I don't find any such promises in my Bible. I just find: Life isn't fair; honor God anyway.

Actually, this is not too far from the secular version of the same thing—"Life sucks; then you die"—with one very big exception: God. God makes all the difference, but the differences are more in terms of intangibles such as strong rays of hope, the intervention of meaning, the potential for real love, and the ultimate consummation of all the things we really want when we die. But there are not a whole lot of guarantees about this life when one believes in God. Things are not going to suddenly go well for you when you believe. They might even get worse. No, it just means that God is there, and that's a pretty big deal.

We need to work a lot harder at removing what is cultural from our interpretation of God and the truth of the Bible. We need to stop reading the scriptures with rose-colored glasses, and accept what it says, especially when it doesn't agree with the world the way we think it should be.

Whom do you want to define your life anyway... God, or Oprah?

seeing...

2010-08-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

matthew 13:16
But blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear.

It is remarkable the number of things I do not see.

My eyes did not see, and had not ever seen, the plums and blackberries hanging out in our driveway. The tree is in our neighbour's yard and the blackberry bush straddles the two. Today Pete pointed them out to me.

The tree and bush are both ladden with fruit, ripe for the picking... almost overripe in fact. It seems not even the birds are feasting on this beautiful fruit (they are probably still full from all of the grass seed the ate while we were attempting to plant grass in the spring!)

I decided I would partake... here are the fruits of my... not labour really... the fruits of my picking!

Carrots - Day 72

2010-08-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

i picked a few more carrots today...

i just couldn't help myself!

I always want to know how big they are getting.

Hopefully I don't pick them all before they get bigger than my baby finger!

They were pretty darn tasty.

Island View Mini Golf

2010-08-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

we tried out another mini golf course today... Island View Mini Golf... thanks for the recommendation Len!

it was pretty nice... beautiful landscaping and lots of rocks and waterfall scenes... however, the greens must have been more like a real golf course than the other courses we have played because I played HORRIBLY! i got a little better on the back nine but wow... i think i finished 20 over par... guess I should keep my day job!

beans! Day 70

2010-08-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

i did my first bean picking today! there weren't a ton but there were enough for a meal for 2! woo hoo! there are tons of growing beans to come too! yay for garden fresh beans!

just out of curiosity, i picked a couple carrots yesterday. as i suspected, they were only about an inch long but that's a start!

i have some tomatoes coming too... i am VERY excited about the prospect of garden fresh tomatoes.

sorry.

2010-07-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

I was on the bus the other day and had the pleasure of sitting next to a loud talker... mmm, a loud talker who was calling everyone he knew on planet earth... everyone he knew, all in the 20 minute bus ride... lovely day to be on his bus.

After the first phone call, he apologized. Sorry.

No problem. You gotta do what ya gotta do, right?

Dial up #2. This time it was the girlfriend. Sweety... honey... (remember, loud enough for the back half of the bus to share in this intimate exchange.)

Sorry, he says again.

Yup. Whatever buddy.

Dial up #3. Sean! How ya doing? What!? Who the #@&% is this? Blah, blah, blah.

Sorry.

Dial up #4. Is _____ there? Ya, get him to... blah, blah, blah...
Sorry.

And so it continued. I appreciate your saying sorry Mr. Loudtalker, but if you are just going to continue doing what you just said sorry for it’s kind of an empty apology, don’t you think?

Or maybe, just maybe, he’s a good ‘ole Canadian and sorry is the second most used word in his vocabulary.

Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh. He was sort of making the effort to be considerate. Maybe I’m the same way. I too probably use sorry way more than I should when I have no intention of changing my behaviour...

What can I say... sorry.

a deal is a deal...

2010-07-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

how is it that I feel in the wrong when clearly you are and I am not? it's like if I loan you my shoes and when I ask for them back you don't even answer me. but first, even before ignoring me you randomly have your friend call me and tell me you are doing a little closet reorganizing and it's gonna be a while before you can give me my shoes back. in the mean time you need me to give you back the shoes that you gave me when I gave you mine.

heck no! I'm not giving you your shoes back until you give me mine! so then I asked nicely for my shoes. our agreement had been that if either of us wanted our shoes back we would contact the other and ask. then, in a reasonable amount of time, we would trade back. but no. you asked for your shoes back but said you weren't giving me mine. well, what kind of a deal is that?

so I said, well then, just give me mine back. we'll do what the original agreement was, return each others shoes in reasonable time.

that's when you started ignoring me. you wouldn't answer my calls. even when I got someone to mediate for us because I didn't want to deal with you anymore, you did the end around and said you hadn't gotten any of my messages. and now, when I'm making it a legal battle because you just wouldn't talk to me, somehow I look like the bad guy. I hate being the bad guy. I feel like everyone else thinks I'm the bad guy too when really you are in essence holding my shoes hostage.

we had a deal. a deal is a deal, no matter whether you want to talk to me or not. why, when you break the deal and change the rules, do I feel like the bad guy? because I'm not! I just want my shoes back. I'm happy to give you yours. Just give me mine and all will be forgotten.

I should have known this would happen. I never should have loaned you my shoes.

My Garden - Day 63

2010-07-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

considering it's been over a month, I've a little lax in posting up date pictures of my garden... whoops! Below is a picture of the whole garden minus the tomato plants on the front right corner...

i had some time to think about growing as i was trying to help my snap peas out. i've been very negligent in keeping up with them. the little package of seeds said they only grow 18" to 24". i'm pretty sure most of mine are almost as tall as me... at least 4' anyway!

(this is a picture of the snap peas on June 23, 2010)

needless to say, because of my inattention most of the stalks were falling all over the ground and getting all tangled up amongst themselves. what a mess! trying to pull them apart and help them grab hold of the new piece of twine I strung up without breaking them off was a challenge. it would have been MUCH easier had i been more vigilant in adding new levels of twine as the stalks grew.

helping them out got me thinking about how important it is to have goals... something to reach for. my goal doesn't have to be a big aspiration or a lofty, hardly-possible goal. those are wonderful too, but sometimes those seem too big... i just need a reachable goal that gives me some direction. like my peas that had nothing to reach for, no direction to grow in, it's easy to become tangled up in myself and end up floundering on the ground without direction. i find that if i'm working toward something, small or big, i may still get discouraged but it's much easier to get back on track when i fall down.

you can see in my picture above that the bottom of the pea stalks are yellowed and not green and lush like the tops. that's not an optical illusion. they were buried underneath the weight of the parts of the stalk that had nothing to reach for. in time, they might have withered completely. i think the same happens in my life. the parts of me that get left unresolved and unnoticed, squashed under all the weight of everything else in my life often end up withered and forgotten.

goals and aspirations that are something to reach for require and allow me to exercise all my gifts, talents, energies, and aptitudes. in doing so, i don't allow myself to settle or miss out on what life has to offer me by running in circles... maybe :)

mini golf mission

2010-07-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

we seem to be on a mission of mini golf (that only started this month!)

we celebrated canada day in owen sound, ontario this year. in the afternoon we spent some time in Harrison Park... we played a round of mini golf before taking a trip up the Sydenham River in a canoe... this game we tied... but i believe had the score keeper been honest, Pete would have beaten me soundly...

Our next mini golf adventure was in Parksville, here on the island. We took our turn at the Paradise Fun Park and in this game Pete definitely beat me soundly! The golf courses was very pretty with lots of water and cute buildings.

Today we ventured out to Blenkinsop Valley Golf Course to try their mini golf course out. Again a really pretty course with cool buildings and water. Today, I was the victor! Woo hoo! I'm on a roll!

my garden... day 31

2010-06-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

my garden is... progressing at it's own pace. slow.

it could be because it's been too cold. it could be because the soil isn't optimal. it could be because i have a black thumb instead of a green thumb... i'm hoping when the sun comes out things will grow a bit better.

the peas are definitely doing the best... but it could be because peas like cooler temperatures... and those we have... :)

snap peas

carrots

lettuce

me and pictures...

2010-06-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

me and pictures don't get along. i can't seem to just smile pretty. instead i make a stupid face or cross my eyes or stick my tongue out. i think maybe it's because if i make the picture look bad intentionally it doesn't look bad just because i look bad... it looks bad because i chose to make it look bad... hmmm, maybe it's a control issue... or maybe it's a self esteem issue... or maybe i missed my calling and i was supposed to be a clown...

here's what i mean...

my garden... on day 16

2010-06-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

This is day 16 of my garden being planted... these are some of my ‘crops’

PEAS

CARROTS

SPINACH

I was thinking about gardens this weekend as I spent some time with my grandpa Smith. Every year, he and my grandma (and the rest of the family on the farm) planted a garden of legendary size, in my memory any way. Each summer of my youth when I was in Canada I would spend some quality time there. We all would, it was that big! My garden is probably less that an 1/8 of the size of the Smith Farm garden but it’s my foray into the world of gardening.

It’ll only take me another 55 years to acquire the wisdom of my grandparents as far as gardening is concerned... and as far as other things are concerned as well...

how generous am i really?

2010-06-03T18:03:00.000-07:00

i was thinking today about how selfish i am.

i was thinking about the children in africa and the philippines that i sponsor and the other ways i give monetarily to my community and the church here and abroad and to people that are in need in countries around the world ... o how generous i am...

but then a thought struck me, if i didn't receive a tax receipt for donating to those great children and ministries and rebuilding efforts, would i still give? how generous am i, giving so i can get something back... that's not giving, it's trading. it's balanced reciprocity.

would you still give even if you didn't benefit from giving? would you really?

Entitled?

2010-06-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

I read a fascinating blog on a credit counseling website the other day. The title of it was ”Entitled to Live Beyond Your Means.” I think the reason it so intrigued me was that it echoes what my logical mind says but what seems to be the antithesis of what society around me and even a huge chunk of the North American church believes. I’m not sure when in history humans decided that we were entitled to everything from material possessions to cushy jobs but I think we've come too far... way too far in fact.

Do you realize that you are blessed to get two weeks of paid holidays a year? If you're a Canadian I believe it is at least two - it may come in the form of holiday pay on each of your paycheques but however you get it, it's free money... sorry to all of you self employed people reading this.

Do you realize you are lucky to have electricity 24 hours a day? Some of you reading this don't. You may live in countries with infrastructure that can't keep up to all-day power for everyone... or maybe the managers of the electricity in some countries are corrupt...

Stop for a second and think about all of the things you expect to have available to you all of the time... food, employment opportunities, health care, electricity, public transit, education, facebook, youtube... these things are not your right... they are your privilege... and around the world, they are not available to everyone... i know, shocker isn't it?

The article below is speaking specifically to the sense of entitlement we have as it relates to acquiring stuff but I think the realization "Jenny" comes to can be applied to many areas of life.

Are there things in your life that you take for granted because you believe they are your right? Are there things you are ungrateful for because you are entitled to them? You are owed them? You were promised them? You deserve them? You fill in the blank.

What "entitlement" choices are you making that are costing you now or will cost you in the future? They might be choices with your finances but they could also be choices with your relationships, your family, your job, your attitude, your health, your soul, your mind...

Read the article below to see what can happen in just one area of life, our finances, when we think we should have whatever we want whether we can actually afford it or not... or view the original post written by the Credit Counselling Society here.

When we help people with their debts we always ask them what they think caused their debt problem. People provide us with many different reasons, but the most common reasons include things like excessive use of credit, living on credit, not having a budget, reduced income, not enough work, separation or divorce expenses, an injury, or an illness. Whatever people’s reasons are for needing help with their debts, we work with them and help them. Some people clearly understand where they went wrong or what caused their debt problem while others need some time to reflect on their situation or their actions.

Recently one of our former clients who successfully completed our debt management program over six years ago contacted us to let us know that she finally figured out why she needed help with her debts. We’ll call this client Jenny (it’s not her real name). On the surface Jenny’s realization may sound a little late, but when you dig a little, Jenny’s insight becomes very intriguing.

Back in 2001 when we first helped Jenny, she told us that her debt problems stemmed from underemployment—she wasn’t able to earn enough income. Now nine years later, Jenny has written to us to set the record straight.

Dear Credit Counselling Society,

I have been wanting to say thank you for some time. I think about it every time I notice your ad in buses.

I was a client of yours early in the 2000s, and completed my debt payments around 2003-2004.

You once asked me to write you a testimonial, but at the time felt unable to do it. I can now.

First you asked me the one thing that I think got me and gets many into trouble.
It is "entitlement." It doesn't matter how small your sense of entitlement is, it is the attitude that got me bogged down and made it hard to stop digging myself in deeper.

"I am entitled to a chocolate bar"; "I am entitled to a treat"; "I am entitled to relief from this grind of living within my miserable budget".

Only when I chopped up my credit card, after signing the contract with you, did I start to wrestle this attitude down into submission.

It was hard. But it worked. I got myself off the New Age delusion of "I am special; I deserve a treat", usually at the mall.

Once I got my debts paid off, I was able to really start saving for my retirement.
Now, the biggest reward I enjoy is stashing an extra chunk of money in my savings account, or buying myself a GIC.

My little treats remain modest: a movie, or a new pashmina scarf for $10.00. They fold flatter than shoes.

So please accept my gratitude,
Jenny S. Burnaby, B.C.

So in hindsight, Jenny seems to be saying that it wasn’t a lack of income that caused her debt problem as she first thought. It was actually the “delusion” of her beliefs and her “attitude” about things. Since this is a free country, Jenny is free to believe anything that she chooses or have whatever attitude she likes. However, every choice has a consequence, and our attitudes drive us in certain directions.

Many people like Jenny seem to take a while to realize that believing the entitlement message promoted in the media is not affordable for everyone—or anyone for that matter. Believing that you deserve certain luxuries can be disastrous to your finances if you try to live the lifestyle that “you deserve.” The truth is that we only deserve the stuff that we pay for with the money that we earn. If you have to borrow money to buy something, then you don’t deserve it. Borrowing money is a privilege not a right or an “entitlement,” and if you have to borrow money to keep up with your entitlements, then you have gone too far.

What do you think about our society’s message of being “entitled” to all sorts of luxuries? Has this kind of thinking caused you some problems, or negatively impacted the life of someone you know?

swimming...

2010-05-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

swimming
and swimming
and swimming in circles.
sometimes i lead and sometimes i follow.
mostly i just swim.

unaware of the other side,
blue is all i see.
and so i keep on swimming.
what else is there to do?

i often dream,
of other pools,
of bigger oceans,
of water without walls.

inspired by the weekend wordsmith
April 23, 2010
149. Goldfish

my garden...

2010-05-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

for the first time ever i planted a garden by myself!

once before, while i was living in Estevan, i attempted a garden with the help of my mom aka green thumb debbie. unfortunately my ability to kill plants superseded her ability to grow them. if i remember correctly it ended up growing a handful of beans and lots of grass...

time has lapsed... BC supposedly grows green stuff better... there was a lot of available dirt in my backyard... gardens support self-sustainability (i live in BC, therefore i must at least attempt to be green!)... and so step one of my second garden growing attempt is complete.

as i was crawling around on my knees for three hours this morning (is it supposed to take that long?!?!), planting one seed at a time (sometimes i seriously did :)) i began to convince myself that nothing would grow... i had a multitude of reasons...

the soil is too rocky...

i was planting them too shallow... too deep...

i can't grow anything...

the birds will find my seeds before they grow...

the garden won't get enough sun... enough water... enough weeding :)...

and the list continued...

so the conclusion I came too was that if anything grew and produced anything edible it would only be by the grace of God... a miracle really! for the very same reasons, the same could be said about growth in my own life... ha! God is so funny...

anyway, here are some pictures:

may long weekend + seeds + me = an attempt to grow a garden.

i'll keep you posted on how well it succeeds...

I had a dream last night...

2010-05-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night... Could have been related to the mass amount of baggage lugging I’ve been doing over the last three weeks... could be something else.

I was pulling a suitcase with wheels on it. Not one of those fancy ones that rolls both directions while staying up right, just a regular run of the mill 2-wheel suitcase. In front of me was a wide open space. It was smooth, glass-like and expansive. The landscape was broad; there was no end in sight for my pulling.

I was walking with my suitcase at a leisurely pace; people intersecting my path, people passing me, people in front of me, people behind me. The ground seemed unlittered. There were no stones to trip me up and no mud to cake my shoes and make my steps heavy and laborious.

As I walked along, my baggage seemed increasingly heavy. I looked behind me, but nothing had changed. There was no elephant sitting on it, no dog pulling it from me. No one had attached anything to it. Its wheels had not been stopped. I kept moving forward, pulling my aggravatingly heavy suitcase. Why? Why was it feeling so heavy?

And then I woke up...

To the Czech Republic we go!

2010-05-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today was mostly a traveling day. I was taking the train from Krakow, Poland to Ostrava, Czech Republic via Katowice, Poland with Brenda and Katie. Our first train was an older one with doors that wouldn’t close, wood paneling and old bench-like seats that reminded me of a 50’s diner except oranger!

It was mostly empty though so we got our choice of seats. When we got to Katowice at 2.28pm, we would get off and take a different train into the Czech Republic. Well, we got to a tiny station with Katowice in the name. This couldn’t be the place there were only two tracks and it was only 2.20pm (not that the time could be used as much of a determinant!) We stayed on the train, a little worried. The next stop also had Katowice in the name but still only had a few tracks. Hmm. As we approached the third station the number of tracks multiplied and the station had at least three platforms. This must be the place! Sure enough! We got off. Our next train didn’t leave for another 40 minutes so we checked the schedule board for our platform for the next train and headed on a search for washrooms.

We found our platform and took a seat. About 15 minutes before the train was scheduled to leave the sign on the platform still wasn’t showing our train. Were we on the wrong tracks? An announcement came over the loudspeaker in Polish. When it finished Brenda said, “I think they said our train was delayed.” She checked with a lady near by. Yep, 10 minutes late.

Our train finally came. It was much newer than the last one. We even had reserved seats. It was a lovely ride into Ostrava. When we arrived, Katka was there to give us a ride to Malenovice. We arrived in fog but even the fog couldn’t steal from the beauty of the place and its surroundings. What an amazingly peaceful setting. Excited to meet the people of JV… excited for what will transpire in the next couple of days!

Some more pictures of Krakow

2010-05-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

Krakow - Day 3

2010-05-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

We woke up after a sketchy sleep and went for breakfast before heading for a walk around the Main Square. We saw St. Mary’s Basilica and the Cloth Hall (Sukiennice). We stopped for latte’s in the square before going on to Wawel Castle, running into a parade on the way. Wow! Amazing!

Around lunchtime we headed back to the hotel to send Pete and Gord on their way to Malenovice. For lunch, we people watched and ate under umbrellas in the main square, thankful for the umbrellas as the rain came and went. A little scrabble, some more walking and it was time for a traditional polish supper. I can’t tell you what my meal was called but it was very tasty!

Sleep came easy and the morning came early!

Krakow, Poland

2010-05-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

Day 1 and 2 (which are conveniently May 1 and 2) converged as we traveled across the ocean and lost 9 hours of time. From Victoria to San Francisco, then to Frankfurt and on to Krakow, sleep was elusive leaving room for excitement to build. Things were for the most part uneventful and there wasn’t too much lay over time to occupy. In fact, in Frankfurt we touched down at 3pm, sat on the tarmac for 15 minutes, went through passport control and cleared customs only to get to our gate, slug back a lovely coffee courtesy of Luftansa, check-in, and descend the stairs to the shuttle that would take us to our waiting plane about 5 minutes away in the middle of the tarmac. In that whirlwind, we also met Gord, Brenda and Katie, our traveling companions for the next couple of days.

In Krakow, we were met by Heidi, who was picking up Joyce and Joy and was gracious enough to drop us off at our hotel in downtown Krakow on her way home. We checked into our very cute and modern hotel room to settle in and wait for Gord, Brenda and Katie.

At about 8pm, just as the Krakow night life was starting up,we took a walk through the park and down towards the Main Square (Rynek Glowny) in a mission for food. It’s a lovely city, Krakow, even in the dark. I’m excited to see what the daylight will reveal. We found an Italian place, Carlito, to eat and feasted on pizza and pasta to our heart’s content. It was just what the stomach ordered.

Back to the hotel, and off to bed in an attempt to right our thoroughly confused internal clocks. I didn’t think it would take too much as I hadn’t slept much on any of the legs of our trip. 10.30pm brought lights out but the internal clocks were not to be fixed so easily.
At 2.30am I awoke, quite widely. It is now 5am and my body is still confused. I’ve heard it takes a day for every time zone you change before your body figures it out. In that case, my body will have it figured out just in time to come home! Sweet.

You Are For Me

2010-04-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

I was working on some bookkeeping the other day and listening to whatever came next on the cd when the song "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe came on. On any given day, it doesn't matter my state of mind, one of Kari Jobe's songs always echoes my heart's cry...

Anyway, this particular time, "You Are For Me" was the song that resonated with me.

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

Do you ever have those days when it feels like no one is rooting for you? When you don't even feel like rooting for yourself?

It's on those days that somehow (by somehow, I mean Jesus does it :)) a song like this pops into my head... or one of my friends blogs a thought or posts a status that reminds me of God's great grace... or one of the verses that I memorized in grade school by making up a tune to go with it (seriously, it works!) pops back into my head...

Yesterday, it was this song. This morning it was Romans 8:38-39, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

However He does it, God is constant in his desire to communicate how much He cares... to communicate that He is for me....

You can find Kari singing "You Are For Me" at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdfKTTeGj2U

5 more sleeps!

2010-04-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

o my gosh! only 5 more sleeps until we're on our way to Europe! wowsers!

word pictures

2010-04-23T17:42:00.000-07:00

I really like these verses in Philippians 3:7-9 (NLT) where Paul talks about what is important, faith in Jesus Christ. They remind me that it’s not my works and my efforts that give me access to Jesus... that makes relationship with Him even an option. It’s His actions and my faith in those actions...

7 I once thought these things [Paul is talking about his religious acts] were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.

I love reading these verses in the amplified version even better... the amplified version is wordy and specific, clarifying and elaborating. I love knowing alternate definitions of the words used... being able to get a better picture of what was being communicated. People (you know the smart people that everyone always refers to) often say that written communication is the hardest form with which to convey a complete and true message. The reader misses the nuances of tones and body language, often misinterpreting the intent of the words without the cues that voice inflection and hand gestures can give. So if I have to read a message rather than hearing it in person, specifically this message from Paul to the Philippians, describing his love for Jesus, I’d rather read it full of details and word pictures and description... things that make it easier to connect with what Paul was saying... easier for me anyway!

7But whatever former things I had that might have been gains to me, I have come to consider as one combined loss for Christ's sake. 8Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege, the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish, refuse and dregs, in order that I may win, gain, Christ, the Anointed One, 9And that I may actually be found and known as in Him, not having any self-achieved righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law's demands, ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired, but possessing that genuine righteousness which comes through faith in Christ, the Anointed One, the truly right standing with God, which comes from God by saving faith. Philippians 3:7-9 (Amplified Bible)

Change is in the air...

2010-04-21T18:27:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, Pete is no longer working for the provincial government.

So... we are exploring our options... well, actually Pete is exploring his options! :) I still have a job! Ha.

The current potential opportunity is with a non-profit organization named Josiah Venture - www.josiahventure.com. It is an organization based in the US that works with churches and leaders in Eastern Europe to train and equip young leaders. The current young(er) generation in most of the 11 countries JV is in is the first to grow up outside of communism... so it is an amazing time in history to reach a generation free to choose for the first time in awhile... so far Josiah Venture in Canada consists of a board of 3 people. The opportunity Pete would have with JV has to do with raising awareness, interest, support, volunteers, etc in Canada and building connections between churches/para-church organizations in Canada and churches/para-church organizations in Eastern Europe.

Nothing is set in stone yet but they have asked us to come to the Czech Republic the first week of May so they can meet us and we can meet them. They are having planning meetings the first part of the week (not for me :)) and then their family conference at the end of the week and over the weekend. The tickets are booked so we are going to Europe in less than 2 weeks... and unless something changes the course, JV is where Pete will land for the next season. So we are pretty excited about this opportunity...

exam day

2010-04-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

so today is exam day... at 6pm I write my final exam for anthropology 104 and then i will be free... i'm so excited to be done with studying and group projects... i never want to go to school again... ever!

although... one of the girls in my group was telling me there is a really good english lit class I should take next semester...

hmmm, we'll see :)

how about this... did you know this?

2010-04-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

Just under 15% of the people in the world are undernourished.

Six million children aged 5 and under die every year due to hunger.

Ironically, the number of overfed people now exceeds those who are underfed.

16% of people worldwide are now overweight (but still often malnourished because of the high sugar/fat content of processed foods - thank you mega corporations who mass market processed crap)

Just a little rant there...

Did you know...

2010-04-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

In 1960, the average income for the 20 wealthiest countries in the world was 15 times that of the 20 poorest.

In 2003, it was 30 times higher.

The world's 225 richest individuals have a combined wealth equal to the annual income of the poorest 47% of the entire world population...

Half of the world's almost 7 million people survive on less than $2 a day.

Wow...

You gotta want it...

2010-03-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

I read this blog by John Fisher the other day - www.fischtank.com - thought I might share it as I couldn't have said it better myself...

They gathered in the bleachers of the high school football field—about a hundred moms, dads, and kids with skateboards and bmx bikes to register their [support for a skateboard park in Laguna Beach. And Chandler [John's son] and I were among them — Chandler on the new bike we got him after his accident.

Chandler is now into all the tricks he wants to be able to do on his bike. His favorite TV channel is Fuel TV, featuring skaters and bikers and the death-defying, anti-gravity tricks they somehow are able to pull off. I never cease to marvel at the impossible feats these kids are able to perform on their bikes and boards; and like we just saw in the Winter Olympics, every impossible trick done today, will be outdone by someone tomorrow. Isn't it amazing what the human mind and body is capable of? It doesn't seem to matter how difficult it is, someone will eventually do it.

But you've got to want it. Think of the will and desire that pushes some athletes beyond the barriers that stop others. You can't possibly be an Olympian without a huge, almost insatiable need to be the best. And I have watched kids on their skateboards try one trick over and over and over again with the same result: crash! But they get up and try yet again. What makes someone do that? They want it. They really, really want it. They want it more than the next guy.

So far Chandler has seen things he would like to be able to do on his bike, but I don't see him practicing them, at least not yet. He wants to be able to do it, but he doesn't want it bad enough yet to do whatever it takes to get there.

What do you want in life? What do you want from God? You've got to go after it; it won't just come to you. I used to think that it did, and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble.

I definitely could be rightfully accused of being the kind of person who waits for things to fall into her lap. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. Reading this story makes me think about how silly it would look if I sat around waiting to become an amazing trick skateboarder... without a skateboard, without a helmet and all the pads, without getting off my butt.

How silly do I look now, sitting around waiting for life to land in my lap? For God to knock me off my seat so He can show me something new and exciting about Himself?